Like you are......

They are, I am,
And you are, you are.....
Between me and us
You are...
The star of a dream,
You are, you are.
In a reality beyond reasoning,
You are...
In the pictures on the walls,
You are, you are.
In the colors of my reflection,
You are....

The haze of sunrise,
You are, you are.
The blur of shadows,
You are...
The rhyme of a song,
You are, you are.
The song of a child,
You are.
The ink on paper,
You are, you are.
The joy in the words,
You are.
The blessings in his grace,
You are, you are.
The smile on my face,
You are.......

When furious waves crash,
You are, you are.
On The infinite stretch of sand,
You are...
My fear of drowning,
You are, you are.
The water seeping through my toes,
You are...
My chance of a lifetime,
You are, you are.
A chance to die,
You are....

The crowd on the streets,
You are, you are.
The faces in the crowd,
You are.
The chaos of this city,
You are, you are.
The silence that we chose,
You are.
Scattered books, coffee mugs,
You are, you are.
My confusion to put words together,
You are...

Broken lights, empty roads,
You are, you are.
An echo in the corridor,
You are.
Hours at the metro station,
You are, you are.
A bill from a date,
You are.....

Hungry all the time,
You are, you are.
Impatience on an empty stomach,
You are.
An aimless walk around cp,
You are, you are.
So hard to resist,
Oh you are..
A trip on the bus,
You are, you are.
A stranger I finally met,
You are....

A blinking cursor on my screen,
You are, you are.
The lines I am yet to write,
You are.
The nights I cried to sleep,
You are, you are.
The hurt of a rejection,
You are.....

When I am lost and afraid,
You are, you are.
My strength, my shadow,
You are.
Like a light on my beacon,
You are, you are.
The end of this trail,
You are.
Still my favourite for the day,
You are, you are.
My happiness, my home,...You are......

Dreams....

So.... should I write about dreams.....’

I think I possibly dream every night......every night I enter a world that happens to be a creation of my sub conscious....breaking over the norms of smaller worlds into bigger ones.... it cuts over some of the elements of reality into the illusion..... and suddenly I know I am sure I know its real......almost real.....i just donno the people who are living it....

Through me....

Some of my dreams keep persistently following me... one of them is ....

I have some kinda misty wind following me...... therez nothing too scary about it except for the fact that it is chilly........

Cold... as if someone has sucked life outta it..... Life... ;) I never thought it was alive....but im sure I wanted it to be...... so yeah..... this wind.... every time it comes near , I feel as if someone has put the nozzle of the vacuum cleaner on my head...and is sucking out all the happiness outta me.....leaving me with only dread, screams in my head....and a churning kinda sensation in my stomach...... twisting and writhing around on the floor... in agony.... I pick myself up... the voices screaming in my head, the scream of death...

I run ...i run randomly.....the mist, she laughs at me.....a devilish laugh....

Having fun seeing me this way, eh?

Hmmm......so I run....slowly picking up speed.....i turn over my shoulder and sneak a quick glance at her, sheez gaining in on me... I don’t think I have a chance tonight.... it’s a dark dark sky..... no clouds...... no stars......the moon alone.... a full moon..... is everyone hiding behind him.....are they scared .?..too scared to see what may happen....?

I run as far as my legs can take me....im shorta breathe.....im taking in long breathes.....coming in wheezes.....(probably my head is buried in d pillow again and im strangling my self with it...)......hell!....someone please help me...... this whole running sequence has been happenin too often now.....

Suddenly I come to a stop....i have 2 literally drag my feet on d ground to top me from skidding ....to steps from a very very deep ravine.....

At the edge of a cliff I stand....well the never ending pit on one side of me.... the snooty life –sucking bitch on the other..... and I m stuck in between....as in every other time I have had this dream.....im standing and standing......the valley down below is dark.... and I think I can hear gushing water......

And this silly wind is blowing into my ears......

Stone and water....water and stone....
Bone and laughter.... darkness shone...
On the blood red stone..... and the green water....
This icy throne calls you
Touch my hand ...touch my flame..
Bring your kin...soft and tender
Join me in eternal slumber.....
Play this game...and I’ll save you from shame....

Love and Affection....

readers beware,
"this makes absolute sense for the first time", somebody said......
nyways.....lovely nonsense i still think it 2 be....

for the Call center guy

i hate this whole genre of love and affection,
I've laid my heart out for a life's dissection,
behind that glass i'll stand,
reaching out my hand...
she won't marry you,
but sheez reaching out to you....

what kinda crazy thing to do , this love and affection
preparing someone for a resurrection.
you've opened the book but it has alien signs,
i have a twisted tongue..and you have a crooked mind,
how would we understand, to live a fiction
story on the crazy things to say
in love and affection...
at the end of which,
I'll be the new generation witch,
and you'll be the slithering snake,
wading through the lake,
a big mess of a poem,
i was about to make...

see what it does,this love and affection,
you forget the lil' things that demand my attention,
and when all the characters fade,
and it pinches me inside...
wishing there wasn't a thing called love and affection.....

i think i should start a different dedications section now.... :P

a dream of death...

Off late i have stopped wondering what makes me write all this nonsense....
but then i guess i can do without knowing every single thing that i can't make sense of/......

Strangers on my bed,
staring into the hollow,
shining dark and red. The

shadows on my head,
where I go, they follow,
follow all my steps to

Maze and shallows,
streets and alleys,
guns and gallows,
blood in valleys....

Standing easy ,
death will please me...
Let me...let me...
haunt in dying peace....
Shut up, duh....!

Carbon on my hands,
I’ve killed somebody,
he died in his own blood on

the highway of our lives
and I know I’m hurting
to lose my holy self in

Maze and shallows,
streets and alleys,
guns and gallows,
blood in valleys....

Standing easy ,
death will please me...
Let me...let me...
haunt in dying peace....
Shut up, duh....

And there it is......i knw....
weird ...aint it... :P

Hey Ankit i finally wrote something!

My forbidden love....

Everybody loves love songs…. I aint no different…I love love songs too….its just that too much of lovey dovey things make me uncomfortable….like a lot of others…

One of my favourites is ‘only time’ by Enya…listen carefully…it doesn’t sound like one…but the song is a real charmer…the best part about it is …it revolves around uncertainity….which is like a dark cloudy day....no sunshine,but it doesn’t rain....stuck in a no-god’s land..….. would I be alive tomorrow….? Would you be dead tomorrow?.....’Gosh man!...how would I know…!’…....

I wonder though….if life could be a lil’ more definite, that I could blindly shoot an arrow in the dark and yet open my eyes to find it right where I wanted......
I wish it could have been a lil’ more simple.... so I wouldn’t have to worry about doing this right....doing that wrong....

And I wish you were part of this imperfect existence of mine....everyday would not be a war that I fight with myself......every love song wouldn’t cause a heartbreak...every time I look at the sky, I wouldn’t see myself, as alone amongst the numerous lonelies out there.....the ones that twinkle at nite...sending SOS signals to their heartbeats.....

‘save our souls’ they cry in unison....
together by the burden they carry.....
somber in the fire that burns.....
broken by a spell as black.....
a tragedy that fate hath churned.....

I know I love you....but alas...its not meant to be....this unfathomable love of mine has been forbidden by those who preach of it.....

Yet I don’t despise them...or you...or myself.....this is the way things turned out to be... the sand is falling.....we’re running outta time....

Let me help you....lemme help us make the best of it......you’ve heard them....it’s against their will....what can a hopeless broken soul like me wish for....lemme wish for thee....Raised eyebrows...!.thats all you’ve got...!?....huh......Say something....anything but silence....this silence is killing me.....

Someday rather than remembering the words you did say,you’ll be haunted by the murky shadows of the words that you could have said ...but you didn’t.......why didn’t you sugar......i am here....i am still here.......
It’s a forbidden love I’m vying for,and i aint giving up without a decent fight.... we don’t have a future...we never did....and yet ,I wish we could.....

I won’t be there for you, every time......may not remember 2 wish u on all ur b’days, may not pick up ur calls...i may change my number and nt tell you.....not reply to your mails....i might even forego the invitation to your wedding......if that happens , ever...it was not because I lost hope baby ....but because I found it easier...to let go of you...us....and everything that ever could have have brought us home... ...

Standing at the edge of a cliff...i am screaming...letting out my anguish...lighter and lighter I feel.......light as the breeze itself.....and as realistically unreal....

as my forbidden love........

Short way home

Therez this road in front of me......tall shady trees in front of me.....lined on both sides of the road....like matchsticks...watching me.....by and by........and im marching down this road ...in this morose chilly winter night......half the streetlights wont work......dilli hai yaar....

Its way too cold here...but the leaves on these trees have managed to retain their true color.....green...they are green...green like the moss that grows on rocks along flowing rivers...green like In the folklores symbolizing nature, and its embodied attributes........namely life, fertility, and rebirth....
In some it denotes witchcraft....but that’s a very insignificant issue for us....We, who have grown cultures that have thrived on paleopaganism......where the real religion actually grew in the villages...the rural-dwellers....and just came 2 be reflected in the towns and cities.....like the reel of film.....capturing someone else's works in a frame.....

Aren’t we humans strange.....everything that goes unexplained has got to be worshipped in this darn country....and hey....some centuries back. when science was not a conceivable notion.....everything had 2 be unexplained....Those over-pretentious
self-explanatory power-hungry persons, who didn’t know any shit about the storms....the weather...the moon....but knew they could make anything up...and force d rest 2 gobble it down in one great holy gulp ....surely no 1 would be wise enough (or interested enough) to contradict.....

hence is born a priest...preaching the words of the Big Gods, who whisper secrets in his ear....who have made him their personal choice of a counselor...who share their big plans for the world with him.....the gods need me, he tells the people...they fucking need me....

And so do you...else you’ll all be doomed.....CURSED for LIFE.....
And we all listen...we’ve no other way of denying.....

We have created our own gods... coz we dint have the courage to search the answers ourselves....and when someone came up with something absolutely new.....and way too absurd....we hailed him.....!...

He was our saviour......he was the messengers of our gods.....
No wait.....then he was god himself.....!
Ignorance can be such bliss.....

Well so he was god...and we’re the goats....held up for sacrifice......(the gods need to be pleased....Common!...they need to be entertained just as much as we do).....
And till this day we’ve done exactly what the goats do........
What do goats do.....??....wow.....that’s a tough one......
They eat the grass...they eat anything actually.......tell them the lethargic watchman’s shoes are grass.....they won’t ask questions...they’ll munch on it very much the same way.....

In the same way as us.....tell us that the rock is supernatural......its from d kingdom of d gods...and there’ll be hordes of people queuing up....with children and whatnots’....to witness a spectacle what is not there...and yet it is....... blind faith.....(and blind stupidity it is called)......

Anyways....i am an atheist.....(makes it easier to consume all the religious rubbish and manage to survive in this hallucinating world) ......and this is turning out to be a rather long way to home.......

I need to switch ....... too much of blindness here......what’s with the streetlights... Damn

Twas never all for the birds...

We travel back in time, down memory lane
The glint of hatred, spears of pain
Agony of forced cheer, of tears in rain
The nervous laughs, the waiting in vain.
The unending cures, for the persistent stain
The prolonged stares, then they looked away
Guitar notes strummed, the senses strained
The wandering glances met, then parted ways.......

The fire in the air, easy to feel
Nor love nor hatred, not even real....

Clouds, darker than the darkest dark
I sit dazed out, in the silent park
The windy wind flirting with the trees
Swaying branches & the anxious leaves.......

The night casts its shadow on the ground
The guitar plays on in the background
Would i lose the solace i have found
My thoughts spiraling round and round
Shrieks ,screams , no sound
All in my head, and not around.

A hand reached out , the eyes so kind
The look of gratitude, and peace of mind
The saving sign, the Slipping time
Then its lost
Someone rewind , we left it behind
Someone please REWIND!!

Words without an essence
The happy faces, solemn words
Pretend faces, wasted honest words
Feelings, hollow
Dark thunder clouds with trails
No rain to follow......

But then it rains, and it rains again
My integrity is flowing, down the drain
In the rain, my sorrow burns
My heart cries out, but amazingly my life returns.....

Standing there, I know I saw
The words, faded, and not lost
And in that silence
I know I heard,
Cause it never was all for the birds.....

Wrote this one a long time back.........don't remember why....must have been a heart break...looks like one...doesn't it?? [:)] ......... i think it was while travelling in a public bus...on a tissue paper.....

emotions strike at the weirdest of places......lolz.....

my life...

And life is like that of a golden brown..dry leaf.....rustic and tired of having spent all his life.....of the life he knows......in one place...having been tied to one tree.....the one that gave it the life....the one he has lived.... Now he is free...he knows it.....the roots that tied him to them , have given way to denial....they don't need him anymore...

They don't want him anymore......
Period.

Did they break the ties? Did he?What difference does it make....he is liberated...and free .... and alone....

Its funny ....you'd find yourself looking for familiar faces at your own promotion party....good money...better chances....lesser friends....more enemies....some friends who could even shame your enemies....lesser free time..... whats in a universe that you can rule but can't share....

Well universe or no universe...a life away and at the top is often a lonely one....not necessarily unhappy cause without all the chains pulling you back,you are much more victorious at doing stuff that were inconceivable before......which seemed so incredulous, that they were very often than not laughed off by others.......

Yet Life is hard...especially when you are alone...Fluttering in the breeze.....grasping for breathe in the storm......searching for solace...for a place to calm himself down......i don't think he could ever grasp the gravity of the situation....that silly old leaf...!.....Couldn't he see how cruel the world was ....and that too right in his face....But i guess, he preferred to play blind....and float in the wind.....and flutter in the wind...from pillar to post.....swaying to the music of silence.....In the nothingness of his life, he learnt to seek joy......and in the nullity of an identity ....he found his life......And the few times when he rested on some window sill , where he didn't know, he had captured the imagination of a child....who was already beginning to imagine and fantasize the life of this pale leaf..... and when it flew again....to get stuck in the wipers of a car.....and in which a young girl looked at it....and realised she had lost more than she'd found...... and how badly she wanted to actually feel the life she was living... it must have been strange to not feel connected to your own life....And how she wished she could feel a presence, who would know exactly what she wanted ...what was not there...but had to be .....what was missing in her world.... the one thing that could have completed her...
And as the girl pondered ,in that warm breeze that flows from the west....the leaf danced the dance of life......it danced to show us that there is life beyond the one we see......so it may dance until his time is up .....until he is consumed to dust...to where it all began....